For most of my adult life, the relapses made sense. I'd get into shape, life would get full — parties, travel, people, things happening — and the discipline would relax into it. That was almost a good problem.

What's different about the recent cycles is harder to explain. The disruptions aren't coming from abundance anymore. I can build a platform that measures my cortisol. I find it harder to ask why it's elevated.

This is the measurement I've been avoiding the longest. Probably the one that matters the most.